well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
