Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
should my penis look like a turkey
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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