Say something about gay babies.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
