i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
