well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
