you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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