I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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