I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
