I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
