Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
