are you so shy because you have an std?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize