he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
