it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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