We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
