and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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