Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
