do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
