She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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