I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
