They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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