Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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