I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
