You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
