i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
