I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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