guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
