Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
