if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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