4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
