my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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