just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
