4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
