did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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