If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
