Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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