i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
