no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
