We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
pop tarts are not kleenex
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
