i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
