Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
