Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
