if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just pee around me
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
