so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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