My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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