she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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