He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
