Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize