oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
