I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
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