Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
