mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
