I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
