Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
