I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
