dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
