you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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