its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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