So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
