I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
