Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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