Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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