it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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