Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
