Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Screwed.edu
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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