Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
