i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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